Dealing with Change

I think it’s a little obvious that this post is going to be more of a personal one. It won’t take a genius to realise I have been so MIA on this blog for the past few months but hopefully some of the things I’ll be talking about in this post might just bring back my love for writing and beauty again.

I was never ever a huge lover of change. It’s something I could never really cope or deal with even from a young age , starting school was difficult from the age of 5  I never wanted to be there , I would chase my mum out the school door if it meant that I didn’t have to go. Of course that didn’t work. I hated secondary school for the same reason , unfamiliar surrondings , different people , room changes every 40 minutes it was a whole lot of change!

I obviously had to deal with those kinds of changes and I did. I met friends and hung out with them every weekend , had fun went to parties and it all didn’t seem too bad, I got by in secondary school and then it was time to leave. Another change. Everyone was leaving , all my friends were going to different colleges , but I was staying at my local college, I drifted with some friends , lost friends and gained new friends , I met my boyfriend before I started college and we have been together for almost 2 years now.

Time went by with the course I was doing and I wasn’t happy , it didn’t turn out to be what I expected and I felt like an absolute failure when I took the plunge to drop out , not too far behind me was my boyfriend who didn’t like his course either and decided to leave and try study for another course in a different college that was 9 hours away.

We spent the next year working hard , seeing each other almost every day and booking and planning our holiday to Paris ( if anyone would like a post about my experience in paris I would be happy to share it , to say it was quite the experience is an understatement!!) I almost forgot that he would be moving to the opposite side of the country from me. My boyfriend is my best friend we tell each other everything and keep no secrets so to have him move away was a big deal for me.

Fast forward to two weeks ago , he got his results , he got what he needed and now today he is travelling 9 hours in a car to go to college. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t devistated, but I am also the proudest girlfriend in the world he put in so much work and he got what he wanted! I need to get over my fear of change , its the fear of the unknown and worry of what might happen before it even has the chance to happen!

 

So how did all this mess deal with me not being able to write on my blog and why did it stop me from doing what I love doing? well… I guess the past few months I wasn’t really myself I was preparing for change and I honestly had no clue what I wanted to do everything was everywhere and my job wasn’t the best. I suppose I didn’t want to throw myself into something I love when I was down or upset in fear that I would begin to hate it. I hope to start back on this blog , a fresh new start. I wasn’t feeling happy in myself and I felt like I wasn’t amounting to anything there has been some very very down days but I’m slowly but surely coming around to myself.

I just want to let you know that you are beautiful and you can achieve so much more than you think you can just by setting your mind to it. This was really something I needed to hear a year ago because I had so much self doubt. I start my makeup artistry course on the 14th of september and I couldn’t be anymore happier to be doing something I finally love and enjoy

 

Thank you so much for reading today , I promise I will be back with another post maybe on my trip to Paris? I love you all .

 

xoxo

Rachael

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Something a little different || Life, College & Anxiety.

Hi guys

So I thought today I would do a different kind of post , I feel like I need to change things around on my blog, put a bit of a personal touch to it and open up a little more. I want to change some things around mix my daily life into it and maybe start vlogging? I’ve been playing around with the idea of vlogging for a while and would love to dive into it , it comes across as the best form of getting to know people and what their pesonality is like.

So apart from trying out vlogging , I’ve also had some things going on in my life, I recently passed my Theory Test for driving and will be starting lessons soon. Driving is something that I really feel I need right now. I think it will give me some independence and freedom as I still live at home because my college is only 15 minutes away.

I suppose before I ramble about college I’ll let you guys know how I’ve been the past few months because I haven’t mentioned it to many people aside from my family, friends and boyfriend. I’ve been having extremely bad anxiety the past few months , and over that short time it has been growing worse. I would find it hard to do every day things , I couldn’t even go to a till to pay for things , I couldn’t answer a phone and I could barely hold a conversation with someone I barely knew. Anxiety is something that everyone deals with differently and for me it was a huge issue a few years ago and has crept back up on me now. I felt like everything was on top of me and that I couldn’t even see where my future was going and that I was just stuck in a rut. I decided that I need to take things slower and set little targets for myself. I have decided to cut my course down from 4 years to 3 , with an optional year at the end of the 3rd year incase I still want to continue on to get a degree. The course I am doing is something I no longer have an interest in , but when I found out I could do 3 years I jumped at the chance instead of giving it up completely.

After talking about college and discussing my options I found that everything was easing off I felt the cloud of anxiety that was following me was finally starting to go. My anxiety isn’t gone completely but I feel  talking about the situation to the people closest to me really helped me deal with it.

On a lighter note , Halloween break was great , I finally was able to relax and not have to worry about assignments and work. I spent time with friends and had a chill week. My provisional license will be ariving some time this week so I’ll be starting my lessons once It arrives . My goal is to be able to drive before I go back to college next year so fingers crossed!

I would really love to know your ideas on vlogging , would you be interested in seeing some vlogs? drop me a comment below 🙂

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xoxo

Rachael